


The Date (Part II)

by Maraudererasmut



Series: Wolfstar Shorts [13]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, First Dates, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, References to Depression, Room of Requirement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 20:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16166618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maraudererasmut/pseuds/Maraudererasmut
Summary: Sirius Black and Remus Lupin go on their first date, but things take an unexpected turn...





	The Date (Part II)

**Author's Note:**

> This one ended up WAY longer than I ever anticipated. As it turns out, I had quite the story to tell! 
> 
> Although this is part two to "The Date", it does stand alone as its own story, so it can be read as a single short. 
> 
> This one does drag out a bit, I'll be the first to admit that. I took advantage of this time to really flesh out the characters and their relationships. I wanted them to feel a bit more real, especially during their every day lives, when nothing particularly important happens. 
> 
>  
> 
> WARNING (and slight spoilers):  
> This short contains some non-con, allusions to abuse, and depression. It touches on some pretty serious stuff. (Heh... Sirius stuff...)
> 
> You get a feel for Remus' inner monologue and his thought process. He goes to some pretty dark places on a regular basis. What? Lycanthropy is just a thinly veiled allegory for depression? I have no idea what you're talking about! :D

“Hey, Moons!”

 

Remus looked up from his book to find Sirius standing behind him, beaming. 

 

“G’mornin’, Pads.” Despite the feelings of fear and guilt, Remus was still happy to see his friend. Looking at Sirius always seemed to make his day a little brighter.

 

“Uggghhh,” Peter moaned, sitting down across from Remus, James trailing shortly behind. “My head hurts. And it's so damn loud in here.”

 

“That, Pete, is a hangover.” There was smugness in Remus’ voice, knowing full well that the three other boys continued drinking after he left and were probably all experiencing the after effects. 

 

“Yeah…” James mumbled, flopping down next to Peter and resting his head on his arms. “Hangover of the century.”

 

“Eh…” Sirius shrugged. “I've had worse.”

 

“How are you awake and… normal?” Peter complained at Remus, who was simply enjoying his coffee as usual.

 

“Good metabolism, I guess?”

 

“More like a Furry Little Advantage,” Sirius teased. Remus shook his head and rolled his eyes, despite the grin on his face.

 

Sirius sat down next to Lupin and his heart skipped a beat. He could smell the morning cigarette still lingering on those clothes, mixed with the scent of fresh leather from that goddamned jacket. 

 

Sirius always looked particularly dashing in his leather jacket. Some days, Remus couldn't help but stare. Whenever he was caught, he'd always say it was because he wanted to borrow it, but despite Sirius’ several offers, he always refused. The jacket alone did nothing for him. It was the way Sirius wore it; the confidence was attractive and the jacket just added to it.

 

Sirius noticed Remus staring.

 

“You like?” He leaned into Remus’ shoulder playfully, smirking.

 

“It looks good on you.” Remus wanted to seem aloof; too much affection would only inflate Sirius’ ego more than it already was. 

 

“So what's your plan for today?” James asked, shaking Remus out of his musings. Sirius shrugged and put an arm around Moony.

 

“I was kinda hoping to take Moons on a date.” He turned to Remus. “Wanna go on a date with me?”

 

Lupin turned crimson and tried to direct his attention to his book. He was too embarrassed to answer. 

 

“Go ahead,” James offered, noting Remus’ discomfort. “Pete and I were planning to prepare for mine today, anyway.” 

 

“What's there to prepare?” 

 

Sirius was curious. He didn't know what went into a first date, having never properly been on one.

 

“Iunno… I guess I have to test the Room to see if my idea will work? I've gotta talk to the elves and make sure there's food? Stuff…” James looked sheepishly down, showing a hint of vulnerability. “I also wanna try and get some flying in. I'm… I'm actually kinda nervous…”

 

“You'll be fine,” Remus offered, looking up from his book and smiling at James. “Your idea will work. She's gonna love it.”

 

“You think?”

 

“Yeah, for sure.”

 

“Wait,” Sirius interrupted moment. “Should I be doing something fancy for our first date?” He turned and looked at Remus, whose ears began to redden, spreading across his cheeks. 

 

“Who said I'm going on a date with you?” He tried to be coy, despite the debilitating shyness that suddenly crept up on him.

 

“I did.” Sirius winked at Remus, tightening his arm around Lupin's shoulders. He leaned in and pressed their heads together, whispering softly. “You're stuck with me, remember?” He planted a delicate kiss on his partner’s cheek.

 

Remus buried his face in his hands, pulling away from Sirius and attempting to keep what little dignity he still had left in front of the guys. 

 

“Well, I'm ready to head out. C’mon Reme.” Sirius stood up and held out his hand for Remus.

 

“Don't you want to eat breakfast?” Remus asked, staying seated. 

 

“Fag and a coffee, breakfast of champions.” Sirius brandished the cigarette that he pulled from a box and stuck it behind his ear. “You comin’ or what?”

 

Remus looked at James nervously. His friend nodded encouragingly, which eased his tension. Remus didn't want to be the kind of person who left the group to go on a date; he didn't want to be the reason for the marauders going their separate ways.

 

The werewolf got up from the table and stood beside Sirius, not taking the hand that was offered. Slightly disheartened, Sirius waved to the other two boys, and headed out the front doors of the castle with Remus.

 

When they got outside, they were abruptly hit with the cool spring air and Lupin shivered slightly. 

 

“Shit, I forgot my jumper.” 

 

He didn't anticipate going outside that morning, so he left his cardigan upstairs. Sirius immediately took off his jacket and draped it around Remus’ shoulders. 

 

Lupin wanted to protest. He didn't want any big romantic gestures like he saw on TV, he just wanted to walk around with Sirius and enjoy the day. When he turned to look at his date however, his heart skipped a beat. Sirius was wearing a tank top from some muggle band, muscular arms exposed, showing off the dark tattoos on his shoulders and biceps. The shirt was loose, but Remus could see the outline of a slender torso. There was a flash of exposed skin just above torn jeans, and Remus’ breath caught in his chest. He was fine with Sirius not wearing that jacket.

 

The two boys walked for a while, making their way to the lake. Neither one spoke, they just continued in silence. At their usual spot near the lake, Sirius pulled Remus closer and reached into the leather jacket, eyeing him playfully. Remus stared into those slate eyes and leaned forward in anticipation before noticing Sirius grab a lighter from the jacket pocket.

 

Sirius smirked and gave a mischievous wink when he noticed a flustered Remus try to regain his composure. He lit his cigarette and took a deep inhale, visibly relaxing as he did so.

 

“Those things can kill you, y’know…” 

 

“Don't worry Moons, I'll die long before these things’ll kill me.” Sirius laughed, but Remus shifted uncomfortably at the prospect. Noticing his discomfort, Sirius wrapped an arm gently around his partner and gave a tender squeeze. 

 

The two boys headed to a large tree that overlooked the lake and sat down beneath it. The air was crisp and the sky overcast, so most students were spending their Saturday inside. They were alone, together, enjoying the privacy. Remus leaned into Sirius, clutching the jacket around his shoulders, inhaling the warm scent of leather and stale smoke. 

 

“Hey Moony…” Sirius began, staring off into the distance. Remus looked up at Padfoot. “Should I have done something nicer for our first date?”

 

Remus snorted a laugh before noticing that Sirius was being genuine. 

 

'No, Pads. I don't think you should have done anything nicer. I don't… I'm not really a fan of grand gestures. Big proclamations of love, Hollywood romance, that's not for me. Give me a nice afternoon alone, that's all I want.”

 

Sirius smiled. He had somehow given Lupin his ideal date without even planning it. He kissed Remus’ forehead, and nuzzled his hair lovingly. 

 

The boys sat together for a while, making casual conversation about school, exams, James’ date, Peter's alcohol tolerance. Neither one mentioned the events of the previous night; neither one was brave enough to talk about anything serious.

 

Part way through a heated discussion on the merits of formalized education and examinations, the conversation was interrupted by a flash and a loud crack of thunder.

 

“Oh, for Merlin's sake… it's gonna rain, isn't it…” Sirius sat up and squinted towards the sky, noticing menacing clouds looming threateningly overhead.

 

Remus stuck his hand out and felt a tiny droplet hit his palm. Then another. And another.

 

“Shit,” he swore, standing up from his comfortable spot next to Sirius. He helped his date up and pulled him gently by the hand in the direction of the castle. “We should head back before it starts to…”

 

As if on cue, the rain began falling in heavy droplets, pattering loudly against the leaves of the tree. Another flash and crack of thunder. Sirius laughed and ran out into the grass, arms out and head to the sky.

 

“Padfoot, you idiot! What the hell are you doing?”

 

“Enjoying the weather!” Sirius spun around, allowing the rain to drench his shirt, smiling and laughing the entire time. 

 

“C'mon! Let's go inside!” Remus was still underneath the canopy of leaves that the tree provided, huddling up in Sirius’ jacket.

 

“Don't be a baby, Moons!” Sirius shouted. When Remus didn't respond, Sirius bounded back to the tree, grabbing his date around the waist and lifting him up in a wet spin.

 

“Put me down, asshole!” Despite the yelling, Remus was smiling. It was the type of grin that spread from ear to ear, lighting up his entire face. 

 

“Never!” Sirius laughed, dragging Remus out onto the field so that he was no longer protected from the rain. 

 

“Don't! Don't! Stop! Let me go, you prat!” Remus was laughing, struggling against Sirius’ vicious hug, trying desperately to get back under the tree. 

 

The two boys laughed and pushed and ran and splashed, soaking themselves as they pranced through the rain. It wasn't until Remus began to involuntarily shiver that Sirius realized they needed to go inside.

 

“You're freezing, Moony…”

 

“I'm f..f... fine!” Despite the chill seeping into his bones, Remus was having more fun than he could remember in a long time. This past year had been so hard for him, physically and emotionally, and it was so freeing to just be happy; to let go of everything that had been troubling him and dance in the rain with his Padfoot. This was the perfect date, and Remus didn't want it to end.

 

“You're not fine, you idiot.” Sirius smiled affectionately at his Moony, soaked hair getting in his eyes before he shook his head playfully. He held Remus’ hands in his own and gave a toothy grin. “Let's go inside and warm up. I promise alone time and butterbeer!” He waggled his eyebrows stupidly. 

 

“M..make that hot ch.. chocolate and you have yourself a d..deal,” Remus managed to say, pushing himself close to Sirius for comfort and warmth. Sirius grabbed his hand and started running towards the castle, Remus trailing behind like a damp kite.

 

The boys arrived in the castle completely drenched, trailing puddles as they wound through corridors and hidden passages. Sirius led the way purposefully with Remus tagging along. It wasn't until they arrived on the seventh floor that Lupin realized where his partner was taking him. When they arrived at the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy, Sirius paced back and forth, mumbling under his breath. A wooden door appeared in the wall across from the dancing trolls and Sirius opened it, pulling Remus in behind him.

 

Once inside, Remus noticed that the Room of Requirement was smaller than he had ever seen it. It looked like a cozy cabin, with wooden walls and flooring. There was a large rug nestled beside a fireplace that had a roaring flame. Atop the rug was an old squashy couch and a small wooden table holding mugs of steaming hot chocolate and butterbeer. Draped over the couch were two fluffy white towels, ready for the boys to use.

 

“Nice…” Remus muttered, impressed by Sirius’ imagination. He turned around to look at Padfoot and stopped in his tracks.

 

Sirius’ shirt was clinging to his body, and every curve of muscle could be seen through the damp fabric. Remus’ breath caught in his chest as Sirius casually lifted his shirt, exposing tight muscles set on a slender frame. He pulled the shirt over his head and shook out his hair, spraying droplets of water around the room. Dark tattoos glowed brightly against pale skin; tattoos that were always kept hidden beneath his dress shirt. Remus’ heart was racing as he stared, frozen in awe.

 

Flipping his hair back out of his eyes, Sirius stood up straight and noticed Moony's not-so-subtle gazing. 

 

“Like what you see?” Sirius was taunting Remus, teasing him, knowing that Remus was powerless in his adoration. He took a step towards the werewolf. Then another. Remus didn't move.

 

“Why don't we get those wet clothes off of you,” Sirius whispered softly, reaching towards Remus’ shirt and undoing the top button. Mouth agape and breathing hurried, Remus placed a tentative hand on Sirius’ waist, feeling taught skin, warm against his frozen fingers.

 

Sirius stepped closer so that their noses were barely brushing and undid another button. 

 

“Sirius…” Remus could barely speak. Seeing that man in front of him, wanting him, tormenting him with that hungry expression, was almost overwhelming. Another hand gently raised up to Sirius’ waist, pulling him even closer. Sirius gently pushed forwards, leaning Remus against a wall, undoing a third button along the way.

 

Remus wanted to grab that long hair and pull Sirius in for a kiss, but he was still too nervous to initiate. He didn't have to wait long.

 

Sirius ran his nose gently along Remus’ jaw before placing a delicate kiss on the nape of his neck. He continued kissing, working his way up Remus’ jawline, simultaneously popping off the fourth button. Remus sighed lightly, causing Sirius to press closer, bringing their bodies together against the wall.

 

As Sirius continued to undo buttons, Remus’ hands carefully explored his slender frame. Encouraged by his lover's response, Sirius eagerly grabbed Remus’ waist in return, continuing to kiss along his neck.

 

“Wait, Sirius…” Remus’ voice was breathy and strained, as if spending energy talking was the last thing he wanted to do.

 

“Shhh, it's okay, Reme,” Sirius whispered into his ear, nibbling gently on the lobe. Hands worked their way up Remus’ torso, but he pulled away slightly.

 

“Sirius, wait…” Remus tried again, bringing his hands up to Sirius’ chest. He didn't realize how uncomfortable he'd feel with Sirius touching his body. Remus had always been self conscious about his scars, but he'd never imagined how frightening it would be for someone to touch them, run their fingers against them, expose them from underneath his shirt.

 

“What's wrong, Moons?” Sirius’ voice was soft and kind as he brought a hand up to Remus’ face, cupping it lovingly. He ran a thumb along the cheekbone, looking into those worried hazel eyes. “What's wrong?” He cooed softly.

 

“I just… I don't…” Remus was trying to close his shirt and pull away. 

 

“Remus, don't… I like your body…” 

 

Remus shifted uncomfortably. Sirius leaned in and pressed his lips against Remus’, but Remus pushed away still. Sirius persisted, kissing him deeper, grabbing him tighter, pressing in closer. There was an urgency to his movements, a feverish need to explore that scarred body, to taste every inch of it.

 

Remus tried to resist, to not kiss back, not respond with his hips, but it was difficult. His body wanted something that his mind didn't. Despite the shallow breathing and rapid heartbeat, his grinding hips and hardening cock, Remus wasn't prepared to follow through with what Sirius wanted from him. 

 

“No…” Remus tried to say. He tried to pull away. He tried to make his needs heard. He couldn't get his voice across. His partner simply wasn't listening.

 

Sirius was passionate, animalistic in his intents, pressing harder against Remus, grinding their hips together, hands acting more purposefully than before. 

 

When one of Sirius’ hands tried to slide down the front of Remus’ pants, he resisted. Lupin placed both hands on Sirius’ chest and pushed. Hard. He was forceful, all pretence of gentleness gone. 

 

'Sirius, stop it. I said 'no'.” There was no more hesitation in that voice. Remus didn't want Sirius’ hands along his body. He didn't want Sirius to see him naked and exposed. He wasn't ready.

 

Sirius gave an odd look and leaned back in slightly. 

 

“Fuck off, Sirius! I said no!” Remus shoved Sirius back and he stumbled slightly. Their eyes met. It was as if a switch was flipped. Sirius immediately pulled away, leaving Remus breathless against the wall. 

 

“Fine,” he muttered, turning around and brushing hair out of his eyes. 

 

“Sirius…” Remus began. He hadn't meant to yell, but his instincts kicked in and his anger flared out. 

 

“It's fine,” Sirius said firmly, grabbing a towel from the sofa. 

 

Sirius undid his pants and slid them to the floor to step out of them.

 

“Sirius, what're you…”

 

“I'm getting out of these wet clothes. Do you have a problem with that?” His voice was sharp, but he didn't look up from what he was doing. He wrapped the towel around his hips and turned back to look at Moony, who was averting his eyes. “You should do the same if you don't wanna get sick.” There was no playfulness in his tone. 

 

He tossed the second towel towards Remus who barely caught it, and slumped down onto the couch. 

 

“Don't worry, Remus. I won't look.” There was something bitter about the way he said it. 

 

Remus hesitated slightly, noticing a grumpy Sirius staring at the fire. He knew that he hadn't done anything wrong; he had every right to say “no”. But there was a voice in the back of his mind telling him otherwise.

 

_ You idiot. You've gone and made Sirius angry again. Why couldn't you have just enjoyed the moment and relaxed? Why did you have to push him away? Why did you have to get angry? _

 

Still holding the towel, Remus walked over to the couch. 

 

“I'm sorry, Padfoot…” 

 

“It's fine, Remus.” It clearly wasn't.

 

“I'm… I'm just a little self conscious is all.”

 

“It's  _ fine, _ Remus.” 

 

Remus sat down next to Sirius, who continued to stare straight ahead.

 

“I'm… I'm sorry, Pads. Let's… let's start again…”

 

Sirius turned and looked at Remus, hurt permeating his expression. 

 

“You think that's what I want? Do you honestly think I want you to just… just…  _ start again _ ?” 

 

Remus didn't know what Sirius wanted.

 

“No…?” 

 

“No! You really are an idiot!” 

 

Lupin looked down, hurt by Sirius’ words.

 

“I just… I'm just… I don't really like… I'm just...not ready...”

 

“Remus…” Sirius’ voice was steady. He tried to look his partner in the eyes.

 

“Sirius, I'm sorry, I…”

 

“Remus, I don't want this to be another fight. Just sit down and drink your hot chocolate.”

 

Remus didn't say anything. Sirius directed his attention to the butterbeer in front of him.

 

_ You've ruined everything. You're so stupid for saying anything. You shouldn't have pushed Sirius away. You should have just sucked it up and kept going. Now you're going to lose Sirius and it's all your fault, all because you couldn't man up. All because you're a failure... _

 

“I'm sorry…” Remus’ voice was quiet and shaky, filled with fear and regret. 

 

“Stop it.” Sirius snapped. He turned to look at Moony again, obviously upset. “Just stop it! Stop apologizing. All the damn time, “sorry” this and “sorry” that. Just stop it!”

 

Tears started to build up in Lupin's eyes. He didn't understand why Padfoot was mad at him, but he knew he did something wrong.

 

“I'm… I'm sorry…”

 

“I said stop it, dammit! Stop fucking apologizing!” Sirius stood up, towel slipping slightly before he adjusted it. 

 

“Why are you so angry at me?” Remus stood up, too. Not angrily. He just stood and looked the other man in those cold grey eyes, trying desperately to read their expression.

 

“I'm not!” Sirius was yelling now, fists clenched, teeth bared. 

 

“I'm…”

 

“Don't you fuckin’ apologize!” Sirius interrupted. “You did nothing wrong! I'm so sick of you trying to take the blame when the people around you act like fucking monsters!”

 

There was silence, broken only by Sirius’ angry panting. 

 

“Sirius…”

 

“No! No, Remus. Don't. Don't try to justify this. Don't try to pretend that this is okay. You said no. I'm an asshole. I...I… I'm too wrapped up in myself to ever notice what goes on around me.”

 

Remus took a step forwards and tried to put a hand on Sirius’ arm.

 

“Stop it!” Sirius pulled away. “Just stop it! Just go, Remus. Just… just leave.”

 

Another step forward. The two were side by side. Remus reached out and wrapped both arms around his angry Padfoot, the other man struggling to get out of the hug.

 

“Remus, stop… just go…”

 

“Didn't you hear? I'm stuck with you.”

 

With those words, Sirius finally broke. He collapsed into the hug, crying tears of anger, frustration, and sadness. He kept crying. Remus saw him more clearly than he had ever seen him before. This was the boy who grew up being told how worthless he was, the boy who ran away from home at sixteen, the boy who forsook his family name in the hopes of redemption. Despite his constant attempts to look cool, Sirius was just as broken as Remus was. There was something comforting in that.

 

When Sirius finally calmed down, Remus pulled him gently onto the couch. Neither boy said a word; they just sat.

 

“Moony…”

 

The crackling fire was the only sound heard.

 

“Reme, I'm sorry. I'm… I'm so sorry.”

 

“And I…” He was about to apologize, but he stopped himself. “I forgive you.”

 

Sirius looked up at him, grey eyes still glistening from his tears.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I…” 

 

_ I love you.  _

 

Remus couldn't say it. In his mind, love was something reserved for adults. Love was something that people could feel once they'd been in relationships for months or years. Love wasn't something a sixteen-year-old boy could feel on the first date. 

 

“...I care about you. Because I'm broken. And you're broken. And together, we kind of make one whole person.”

 

Sirius smiled weakly.

 

Remus tried to smile back. He tried to show Sirius a warm, comforting side. But he couldn't.

 

Sirius noticed.

 

“Reme…”

 

“I'm fine,” Remus lied.

 

Sirius took Remus’ hands in his own and held them, staring at them as if they had all the answers.

 

“I promise, it'll never happen again.”

 

Remus’ mind was racing. He wanted to tell Sirius how it was all his fault; he should've been a better partner, he should have been a better lover. He shouldn't have said no.

 

“Remus, I know that you weren't ready. I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm… I'm not going to start anything. Ever. I'm gonna let you lead at your own pace from now on. I promise.”

 

_ My own pace… _

 

Remus didn't know what his own pace was. Would he ever be comfortable with Sirius seeing him vulnerable and exposed? It's not as if Sirius hadn't already seen him after transformations, broken and bleeding, naked on the ground. For some reason, sex was different. When Sirius looked at him with lust and affection, it somehow felt worse.

 

Remus hated himself. He hated the way he hated himself. He hated his body and his broken brain and the fact that he couldn't ever let anyone in. Sirius deserved better. 

 

Despite that, Sirius loved him. He said it all the time, much to Remus’ dismay, but it was there. Love and affection, for the body that Lupin had hated his entire life.

 

“Remus…”

 

That voice snapped him out of his thoughts and pulled him back to reality. Remus turned to look at Sirius, who was sitting back on the couch, arms spread out on the upper cushions. 

 

“Moony, put the towel on, dry off. Then get your ass over here and drink your damn hot chocolate.”

 

Remus smiled, a real one this time. Seeing Sirius there, relaxed, happy, somehow made things feel okay. 

 

Remus grabbed his fluffy towel and changed behind the couch. Sirius never turned around or tried to sneak a peek, he simply let his Moony take things at his own pace.

 

When Lupin sat back down on the couch, Sirius lovingly wrapped an arm around him. The two broken boys sat there, enjoying each other's company, trying desperately to feel whole for the first time in their lives.

  
  



End file.
